I told her that if I knew the answer, I probably wouldn’t be sitting in her office.
Just found out my grandparents had their wedding reception at the park across the street from our house.
T’is the nature of the beast, I suppose.
Yesterday was a good day. Yesterday was a REALLY good day. I accomplished so much and had my “get my shit together” mojo working. I was so excited when I went to sleep last night because imagine what I could accomplish if I had a whole day to myself!
Then I woke up this morning and it was business as usual and the only thing I actually did today was change my bedsheets.
"Too many books?" I believe the phrase you’re looking for is "not enough bookshelves".
Someone in Boston/NYC/DC/Seattle/Austin is bound to hire me, right?
Fuck abject misery and the feelings of worthlessness and feeling like if you were to die, no one would notice until they smelled your decaying corpse.
Fuck having picked out a spot to jump from and eyeing it every time you’re at the park, even when you’re happy.
Fuck not being able to get out of bed, but not being able to articulate to your boss that you just can’t do it today and trying to explain to her that spending 40 hours a week sitting by yourself in a basement just makes it worse and just getting a “Well maybe you should listen to some music.”
Fuck feeling like you don’t deserve to cry because there are people suffering much worse than you are and really, what do you have to complain about?
Fuck feeling like a failure because you can’t function like a normal person.
Fuck the feeling of failure you get when your doctor checks in on your meds and asks “But did you feel happy?” and not being able to give an honest answer because you can’t remember what happiness is.
Fuck feeling like you’re gonna die alone because no one in the world deserves the punishment of dealing with you every day.
In the wake of the Robin Williams news, this is your reminder that no one has to go through depression alone. People love you and people want to talk to you.
If you’re depressed or if you think you’re depressed call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Or email me. I’m not a professional but I can help you find help in your area: NerdologyProject@gmail.com
Reading between the lines of today’s email chain basically says that I need to find a new job by October 1st.